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心理学家艾莉莎谈教育：自信源于能力，而非夸奖

自信源于能力而不是赞美

Competence builds confidence

直接告诉你的孩子他们很棒

Telling your kids they're amazing

并不会真的让他们觉得自己很棒

is not going to make them feel like they're amazing

自信来源于能力

It's the competence

就像我们帮孩子们培养技能一样

like helping them develop the skills

这些技能不一定非得是

Those skills don't have to be that you're like

成为一个顶尖的明星小提琴手或网球运动员

a star violinist or tennis player

可以是知道如何做饭

It can be that you know how to cook

或者收拾餐具

or put the dishes away

只要是能正常生活的能力就够了

You know, just a functioning individual

然而我们往往会为孩子做所有的事情

and so we tend to do everything for our kids

即使他们完全有能力自己做

Even if they're capable of doing it

之后还会夸奖他们

but then praise them

仿佛这样就能建立自信一样

as if that's building the confidence