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抑郁症的反面不是快乐而是活力

我突然发现自己对几乎所有的事情都失去了兴趣

I found myself losing interest in almost everything.

甚至不愿意去做那些

I didn't want to do any of the things

我曾经很想去做的事情

Thad previously wanted to do.

我不知道这是为什么

and I didn't know why.

抑郁的反面

The opposite of depression

并非快乐，而是活力

is not happiness, but vitality,

而正是这样的活力

and it was vitality

似乎就在那段时间从我的身体中慢慢消失了

that seemed to seep away from me in that moment.

所有需要完成的事情

Everything there was to do

都感觉那么麻烦

seemed like too much work.

回到家的时候

I would come home

看着电话留言机上闪烁的红灯

and I would see the red light

flashing on my answering machine,

我不但不会因为听到朋友们的声音感到兴奋

and instead of being thrilled to hear from my friends,

反而会想

I would think,

怎么有这么多人等我回电话

"What a lot of people that is to have to call back.

有时该吃午饭了

Or I would decide I should have lunch,

我却开始想，我还得把食物拿出来

and then I would think, but

Id have to get the food out

放到盘子里

and put it on a plate

得切一得嚼，得咽

and cut it up and chew it and swallow it,

让我感觉就像耶稣受难一样

and it felt to me like the Stations of the Cross.

人们在谈论抑郁时

And one of the things that often gets lost

时常忽略了一点

in discussions of depression

那就是你知道这一切都很荒谬

is that you know it's ridiculous.

即使你正处在抑郁之中，你也知道这一切都很荒谬

You know it's ridiculous while you're experiencing it.

你知道多数人都可以让自己

You know that most people manage

去听语音留言。去吃午餐

to listen to their messages and eat lunch

紧接着让自己冲个澡

and organize themselves to take a shower

然后出门

and go out the front door

你知道这根本不是什么大不了的事情

and that it's not a big deal,

然而你已经被它掌控

and yet you are nonetheless in its grip

井且无法找到任何解决的方式

and you are unable to figure out any way around it.

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